The beauty of the hotel’s location soon became apparent, because everything ends up or leaves from at Circular Quay station in Sydney, and if I fell out my room’s window the blood squirting out upon impact would probably make it to the station.

The Jet Boating that I had signed up for also left from the Quay.  My first walk around there was impressive.  So many people!  The city also uses it as a hub for all types of transportation – Bus, Train and Ferry!  How interesting it is that you all know this now.

Anyways I was heading to a different part of the Quay.  That’s pronounced “Key”, but that may just be the Aussie tendency to replace all “a” sounds with e’s.  My actual name is “Denny” by the way.

I met some Contikians by the Jet boat and we watched the previous group come in completely soaked.  We all agreed that this was most excellent.  As the best (i.e. wettest) spot was in the back, I went there.  It was wicked fun – we got lots of airtimes and the pilot kept whipping out 180’s and crashing into waves, soaking us.  We all wore ponchos, but all they really do is funnel everything through the neck, down your chest and into your underwear.  Comfy.  Got the necessary photos of course as well…

Next on the Sydney menu was an authentic AFL (Australian Football League) match played at the Sydney olympic park!  You know, where they had the olympics!?  It was massive!  Thirty four thousand people there and it wasn’t even half full.  But wait, I have to explain Aussie Rules football first.

  • Guy gets ball
  • 18 players try to kill him
  • Guy freaks out and kicks or punches the ball away
  • Repeat until scoring distance
  • Aim at one of three goals
  • Kick

However! If any any point someone catches a ball that has been kicked without touching the ground, then everyone backs off and cannot touch them for around 20 seconds.  So they can really control where they want it to go.  That’s usually how goals are set up, because someone catches a kick pass near enough to the goal.

But that’s not all! I haven’t even told you about the OTHER guys on the pitch…

OK, so 18 per side on the pitch, two different teams and uniforms.  By the way the uniforms don’t have sleeves.  Seems to be a standard thing.  Maybe there’s a polyester shortage in Australia.  Anyways, digressing.  There are seven umpires on the pitch in green as well.  And these guys are the goofiest thing ever.  When the ball goes out of play, one of the umps takes the ball to the side, turns his back to the field, and then launches the ball back up over his head into play.  Try to picture what a giraffe would look like if it did this, and you’ll get the general idea here.

But wait! That’s not all!  What other colours can we throw around?  Yellow!  Who are those yellow guys!?  Why, they’re Runners of course! They what? They get a telephone call from the coach and then run on the field to go talk to the players to tell them what to do?  Seriously?  OK, seriously.  Wow.

Its really quite the sight.  They can’t be part of the play so they usually spend about 10 minutes working their way across the field running the hell away from everything until they find their man.

But WAIT! That’s not all!  We’re forgetting something!  That’s right, waterboys!  Every time there’s a goal attempt (after someone has caught a kick near the goal) waterboys swarm the field.  Its like an invasion of white.

So, with all these positions available to aspiring AFL players, I have developed the following table for role assignment:

Skill Position
Athletic AFL player
Crappy Athlete AFL Umpire
Crappier Athlete AFL Runner
Fatboy Waterboy

Using this easy to understand chart we can crush children’s dreams faster and point them in the right direction at an earlier age.

This is a long post already so I’ll keep the rest fairly brief.  After the game we went out to that famous World Bar once again, and long story short, I only bought one beer there before jetting, and there was a cover, so essentially it cost me $22 for one beer.  And I ask myself where the cash goes.

One last thing for the Kings Cross tourists: Someone got shot twice in the leg that night outside of the hotel that most of the Contiki people were staying at.  Like I said, Sydney has dirty underwear.  But now with streak marks.