A day starting out with roasted potatoes has got to be a good one.

Heading out after a predrink-laced Irish Breakfast chez ami one, we hit the parade and ami two promptly got hit on by two girl cops. He wasn’t having any of it though – all they got out of it was his happy green beer bottle. But, we had discussed earlier how beer bottles had some phallic symbolism going on, so whatever – if you want to read into it its right there.

Of more importance, since it happened to me, is the following: Now we all know that advertisers love to walk around during the parade and hand shit out. Well they should probably take into account that most of the people that they hire to do this are fucking lazy in the first place and would rather be drinking with the rest of the crowd. That’s where I came in. Some lazy dude extends his hand to me, and being polite, I extend mine. I feel something heavy hit and look down… I was now the proud owner of about a hundred Irish Springs body wash coupons.

Feeling entrepreneurial, I started tossing coupons up in the air, letting them fall on the crowd. However, being hard cardboard stock with sharp corners, the crowd wasn’t very happy about it. Either was one of the girl cops that got hit. No evidence, no foul though.

Instead I turned to windshields and did my Irish duty spreading the message of clean smelling bodies everywhere. So if your car was around cresent street sometime today, the douchebag that tagged your wiper was me. You’ll thank me when you’re smelling like a flowing river of water, I’m sure.

I still have about 40 left of them. Still need to decide on a project that requires at the very most 40 cards with a perforated segment. Something will come. And in the meantime, I can educate myself with the wisdom contained upon them:

Lesson 1: At the end of the day, who decides if you’re charming or not?

Answer: GIRLS