Absence makes the blogger heart grow disinterested.

Or, how to make your way through academia hell and still live to write about it.

I suppose an update is in order, if only for the worldly network of friends that I still manage to maintain by systematically meeting, heading to a place where we can drink, and yelling to each other over the music and the idiots yelling about the superiority of their state of inebriation.  Which has only been happening since Friday, which is the day I have now come to know as the day I finally had fuckall to do.  Has a nice ring, yeah?

How did this come about?  Well, instead of boring you, you and hell, especially me (let’s face it, I live with myself 24 hours a day) with the detailed retelling of my academic schedule, I present to you: the Coles notes version!

Act 1: Scene 1
Dan notices crap on the horizon
-Much shit is coming, all in the same week.  Feeling two weeks ahead is wayyy too far to plan for, Dan slacks off and plays Halo.

Act 1: Scene 2
Dan loses at Halo and life in general
-Some bad sessions go down, Dan drops a few levels and is suitably pissed off, even though he remembers swearing to his xbox that they would never go to sleep angry.  The xbox, as usual, remains cold and uncompromising and a dark shade of plastic.
-Dan spends many hours on a poster describing his masters project, and is quite proud, but judges are idiots who know nothing about the tremendous (:|) importance of fitting curves and bad explanations in French by anglophone students!  For shame!  Dan wins not the $150 prize money and attempts to console himself with Mr. Xbox, but once again, is ridiculed and shunned.  Will there ever be hope for them?

Act 2: Scene 1
Presentations abound; Dan becomes chronically hoarse
-Although the poster was in the previous act, the timeline remains linear and so does Dan (about 6 feet, 4 inches to be precise).  He therefore jumps off that presentation and into one at a Genome Quebec retreat at L’Hotel Cheribourg for a couple of days the following week.  See following "visual aids".
-Fig 1: An ‘Incredible’ van ride there


-Fig 2: Uneven roofs equal ‘classy’


-Fig 3: Free pens for everyone!


-Fig 4: (Talking to waitress) "Excuse me miss, are we allowed to swim in the lake?"  "Lake?!  What lake?!"


-Fig 5: Dan communicates with nature

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-Fig 6: Dan ‘working hard’ on his presentation the next day

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-Dan talks about stuff, and people gawk at him.  ‘Nuff said…

Act 2: Scene 2 (The Final Curtain)
I can now pull the Tree of Life out of my ass with one blindfolded, with one hand, and that hand being on fire at the time
-With the retreat fresh in his blood, Dan feels slightly nauseous from the 80%+ people that presented phylogenetic projects.  Not to be outdone, he foolishly volunteers himself to present a phylogenetic paper in class on Friday, having realistically only one evening to do it.  Dan shoots himself in the other foot to keep things symmetric.
-Friday passes, Dan takes on a permanently gravelly voice due to overuse (damn sexy to the ladies, don’t you know), and most importantly – say it with me now: Has. Fuck. All. To. Do!
-Rejoice!  Dan takes in much Fringe-ness.  And beer.  Mostly beer.