OR, how to ignore your friends, family, your tabby cat and your blog while you enjoy the adventures of a snotty-nosed kid and his friends whilst they do battle with the Dark Lord.

In honor of the upcoming 6th of a series of 7 books describing the trials and tribulations of everybody’s favorite scar-toting wunderwizkid, I’ve recently been reading the Harry Potter series over again.  It’s just as I thought – nothing has changed!  It’s the same damn stories!  Disappointing, really, when you compare the archaic form of the written, unchanging word to the star trek-esque wizard photos that move and wave, constantly changing.  Now that’s variety.  How cool would it be if the contents of a book changed every time you read it?  Sure,  the book would eventually become quite useless (just like brakes on a fat kid’s tricycle), but at least you wouldn’t be bored!  Imagine, the Holy Bible, now with an additional chapter dedicated to home improvement!  Hey, the hippie was a carpenter.  Feel like referring to your favorite recipe?  Too bad!  It’s just turned into an exhaustive list of dirty limericks.  Exciting, no?

But Harry Potter not only has the identical initials of a delightful brand of steak sauce, his world is also a plausible alternative explanation to those things in life that just don’t.. well, jive.  Personally, I was sure something was up with that zoom zoom kid – a.k.a. Mr. Creepy Head.  Now, we know better – he’s nothing more than a bewitched cabbage-patch kid.  See?  After understanding comes acceptance.  Not tolerance though – that freak with a cabbage for a mother can rot in a special level of hell along with his decomposing vegetable brethren.  But I digress, as usual.  Back to ignoring your life through HP.  It’s quite easy to do, actually – convince yourself that some great beast of a man will soon pay you a visit by kicking down your door and tell you about your wizarding heritage.  Then, you’ll realize that your only choice left is to leave your white-collar job, home, family, friends and your pension plan, and then enroll in the continuing education department of Hogwarts.  

At that point, everything else starts to seem a little less important than getting past Fluffy the three-headed dog (ignoring your lower back pain) and finding the philosopher’s stone, killing a gigantic basilisk snake with your eyes closed (and with one hand tied behind your back!), fighting off the kiss of a dementor (and he didn’t even buy you flowers!), winning the triwizard cup (retail value US$4.99), or fighting a media war with the Ministry of Magic (it was horrible… paper cuts everywhere!).  So you can see where I’m coming from.

I’m therefore ready for book 6 come July.  I saw the cover – Harry and Dumble-mumble-dore are fighting together against some unknown foe, surround by a freaking ring of fire!  Sweeeeeet.  Heck, not only am I ready for July – but I’m also of a sufficiently buffered mindset to protect me from the crappiness that may be Episode III come Wednesday.  See, we shall.  Hmm!