This evening was: (a) Kickass (b) Meh.. or (c) Holy shit!

I’m personally of the (a) flavour myself, but I may be a tad biased here. I had a soccer game tonight, the season opener for our team. We have just moved up from a lower level (Division 3) to this new one (Division 2) because we came out on top during the regular season last summer. But ’nuff ’bout ‘dat.

I played defence last summer. Yes yes, bear with me, I’m going somewhere. No not there. Look, It’s not hard, I’m over here.

Ok, checkitout. I got moved up to play striker (that means forward)this summer, to see what might happen. Coach’s decision. Hey, I’m not complaining, I’m always up for a challenge. So, tonight was the big test - and yes, I picked (a).

I scored two goals! TWO, BIATCH! I think I only scored two during the entire last season playing back on defence! And not only that, but I missed (fuck, fuck-ity fuck. fuck, annnd fuck!) a 1 on 0 breakaway by shooting right at the goalie. RIGHT AT HIM! Well, shit, fuck, ass, etc. You fill in the rest. I also hit the crossbar on another play.

So I was pretty pumped going into the remaining minutes of play of the game! We were leading 3-0, with two goals off of me! The then shit hit the fan.

One of my team-mates, who’s very talented but can act a little crazy sometimes, was bringing the ball down the wing, while the opposing player was trying to take the ball off of him. I didn’t see exactly what happened, but apparently the other guy hit my team-mate in the mouth as he was falling to the ground. Again, I didn’t see this, but my team-mate, pissed, turns around and kicks the guy in the chest/throat area. Full force. The other team goes crazy. They throw bottles, balls, anything at the guy and start charging him. My team gets in the middle to try and calm things down. Ain’t happening. The captain of the other team is fucking frothing at the mouth, and he’s trying to get to our guy. He even punch-slaps one of our other team-mates trying to get through to his target. It was fucking craaaazy. Meanwhile, I’m trying to hold back some of our players to avoid a fight, and the other team is still screaming - literally screeching - about how we’ve been trying to injure them the entire game and whatever.

Our guy is asked to leave the field, ’cause he’s causing the other team to go crazy. He does, he hops the fence and walks away. The guy who got kicked in the chest, in a fit of adrenaline/I don’t know what, manages to get up off the ground, climb the 8 foot fence after him and starts to chase him. Our guy takes off down a hill, but then 3 more of their players also climb the fence. Then OUR players start climbing the fence. Most of the two teams end up on the wrong side of the fence. The cops get called. The other team runs after our guy, who makes it down the hill, hops over some hedges onto the train tracks and disappears. Thankfully, they stop chasing him.

Everybody’s yelling to get the fuck back over on this side of the fence. We finally get everyone over, and - this is incredible by the way - the ref wants to continue the game! There was like 2 minutes left when the incident happened. No one wants to continue. He insists. In one of the most farcical things I have ever seen, the two teams, with four cop cars flashing their lights around the periphery, in a glob of players in the middle of the field, not even remotely resembling any sort of actual formation, pass the ball back and forth to each other until the ref, satisfied (?), whistles 30 seconds later. Insane.

The game’s over. Summary: We won 3-0. I scored two goals. Oh yeah - also, a player on our team had to run away from an angry mob into the train tracks.

But is that all you say? I say Nay! The evening had more in store! I get home, basking in my glow of happy happy, and realize that I left part of my left shin pad at the field. The field is closed, no lights, and locked. What. A. Bitch.

I call my dad up, who had just dropped me off (was watching my game) and we make our way back to the field. Got my trusty flashlight, I pocket it and climb the 8 foot fence onto the field. So many memories. Go to the bench, and search through the mutant weeds that populate the back of the bench and success! Find it. Another 8 foot climb later, and a hop skip and trot down, and I’m back at my apartment once again.

I also find out that the Calgary Flames lost 1-0 tonight. What a bitch.

Well, like I said, I’m biased here - two goals can really make your evening, despite shenanigans. Concerned reader, be subjective. Choose carefully ;)

So screw it. I’m not going to apologize, because it’s useless to do so. I got really busy all of a sudden, and I’m only now getting used to my newfound schedule. I’m occupied in my evenings almost every day of the week, not to mention all the regular "life"-ish things that tend to require getting done. Like eating and such.

Shit. Fine. Sorry.

It’s annoying. Often I would reflect on a situation, consider it blogworthy, and then simply lack the time necessary to put it up. The next time I ended up on a computer, I inevitably realized that my first thought was stupid and unfunny, and why in the hell would anyone in their right mind read this drivel. And oh, get a haircut, you hippie.

I’ll try harder. In between six-times-a-week sports of some sort or another, making meals, chilling, watching TV (although this is not a large problem, due to lack of the special K - Kable), reading (got 3 books going at once presently - please do not ask me how, because I don’t really know), dealing with trying to graduate on time, working on my project during the day at work, and figuring out a rearrangement of the furniture in the apartment to fully maximize usage of our space, I will try. In the meantime, I know you’ve been missing me. So to celebrate the love and specialness all around, here:

Cue the Jaws music
Piranha let loose in petting pool for children
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/s1083399.htm

Forget Vegan. I’m taking it to another level!
All-natural prank
http://www.zug.com/pranks/natural/

Nast. That’s just nast.
But somehow funny. Test your tolerance of disgust!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/disgust/

No, it’s not an ab-roller
I usually have cool gadgets every now and then. Check out the pics of it climbing a wall!
http://asl.epfl.ch/index.html?content=research/systems/Octopus/octopus.php

Alternatively, that would be 2 mins
A very cool well-designed flash site that has tons of media for viewing and entertainment. I’ve found two little films that are fun and great and holy and divine.
Main Site: www.120seconds.com
Girls!
Pole licking

Oh those silly passionate fools
There’s also a sort of tradition here for great commercials. Here’s one about the "beautiful game". Click on the picture for the commercial.
http://www.infopresse.com/ArticleComplet.aspx?IdArticle=8563

I pity those who have not gazed into the face of Weebl. (and to a lesser extent, his friend Bob)
This is one of the best few Weebl episodes in a while. To get you primed for this, the web-episodes are basically about two egg-shaped individuals who like pie. A whole lot. Bob is also the bitch.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/Team%20Laser%20Explosion.htm
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/tle%20club.htm

William and Theodore’s Excellent Adventure
Or, How Blue Moon-Chicks Will Cause You to Question Your Sexuality.
In any case, this is really.. odd. Catchy, though.
http://www.bluegeckolounge.com/jazzyjay/tothemoon.html

The Chipmunks… paying back some outstanding debts.
http://www.yorku.ca/casa/images/chipmunks.html

"The best animated gif in the world"
Truly, it may just possibly be.
http://monpa.golfcross.com/dwc/world.html

Next time, don’t take so much off the top
I wonder what happens when you stand on a runway? Oh yeah. This. (that’s a Spitfire, by the way!)
http://www.alexisparkinn.com/oh_my_god.htm

I would live here, but I’d be too afraid
…Those Klingons are everywhere. (Star Trek apartment)
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2397756436&indexURL=0&photoDisplayType=2#ebayphotohosting

I didn’t need my left arm anyways…
Cannibals and diamonds.. together at last.
http://www.netcartoon.net/cannibals/cannibals.php

The name’s Hood. Robin Hood.
Click and drag in the game screen to adjust the angle and power. Also, avoid getting hit in the face with your own arrow. (cough) Yes, it is possible.
http://www.xeron.org/cosas/bowman/

Plumber’s breakout
Breakout has seen many versions. But to my knowledge, this is the first one involving a metal sink. Stop the ball from falling down the drain!
http://www.playaholics.com/play_game.php?game_name=plasticballs

Happy Happy Happy!
Pillify the facesby bouncing the pill around the play area. Just make sure not to hit the same face with too many pick-me-ups!
http://jigint.com/games/happypill/index.html

If you’re a Habs fan in any way, you already know that no, they didn’t make it to the Stanley cup after all.  I don’t have to reiterate here what many before me have already said - we’re damn proud of them for as far as they did get. 

Oh.  Crap.  I just did.  Meh.

Unlike the second-round series two years ago against Carolina, the Habs did not fall apart, and kept trying until the very end.  It was simply a matter of being beaten by a better team.  Tampa has every chance of winning the playoffs this year.  We also found out after the series that the Habs’ captain, Saku Koivu, had been playing with a cracked rib, torn rib cartilage and a bruised lung.  This, remember, is the very same person who battled and beat stomach cancer in the past to return to play the game.  What else can this man go through and still come out on top?  A warrior in every sense of the word, and an honor to have him captain of our team.

I once again held a mini hockey party at my place to catch the game.  It’s too bad that the playoffs are over for us, because those parties are damn fun.  Well… until the loss happened.  Inexplicably, every single person decided that they felt like some KFC for dinner, as opposed to the usual pizza-toppings war zone debacle that usually takes place.  I’ll say one thing about KFC - it may be utter crap and horrible for you, but it’s hard not to decide what you want to eat from there.  Hmm.  I’ll take.. chicken.

(Sigh).  Slowly, and with the help of the collective therapy that exists within all Montrealers, I’ll come to terms with the loss.  We’re all proud of you, Nos Glorieux.

…Shame on you:

Q: A mute man walks into a store. He wants a toothbrush, so he brings his hand up to his mouth and gestures in a brushing motion. The clerk understands and gives him a toothbrush. A blind man then walks in. He wants sunglasses. What does he do?

A: (highlight this line to see) He just asks for them.

Ok, maybe that question works better when spoken aloud to someone else. Try it out on people, and rejoice in their confused grimaces.

This question was a test of whether or not you have a tendency to do simple things in a needlessly complicated way.

Question #2: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Incorrect answer: Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the fridge.
Correct answer: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge.

This question was a test of your ability to understand the consequences of your actions (i.e. the giraffe filling the fridge, and therefore having to be removed before the elephat could be put in).

Question #3: The Lion, King of the animals, has called a conference of animals. All the animals are expected to attened. Which animal will not be attending?
Correct answer: The elephant.
-Why? The elephant is still in the fridge.

This question was a test of your memory.

Question #4: There is a river which you have to cross. However, the waters are crocodile infested. How will you cross?
Correct answer: Swim across.
-Why? The crocodiles are at the animal conference.

This question was a test of your ability to learn from your mistakes.

However, most of the children below school age answered at least some of the questions correctly.

The logical conclusion from this information is that the ideal professional would have the mental age of a 4-year-old child.

:) …Shame on me.