Dusk.

I exit my room.  I’m confronted with shadows and darkness all around.  In the distance, Frasier echoes on the glowing TV.

Alert, apprehensive, I crouch slightly. 

Something stirs at the end of the hall.  It’s approaching.

I’ve seen this thing before.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I live with it.

Roommate #1 takes a step forward and stops.  I peer up in his direction from my lower vantage point.  A slow hiss subconsciously escapes from my mouth.

My opponent reacts; It’s a hesitant move, but he sidesteps forward and claws the air.  I mirror his bluff.  He retreats instantly!

Emboldened, I crackle and attack. A fatal move!

My elongated body proves no match for someone with a slightly lower center of gravity.  Defeated, I crash into the plastic garbage bin of shame.

Victorious, the other raptor bends over to feed on his kill, but is too overcome by laughter to do anything.

I get up, go to the kitchen, get my glass of water, and return to my room from whence I came.

This has been brought to you by RaptorTime(tm).  "For the clawed dinosaur monster in all of us!"

Please… I don’t know what that was about, except that it actually happened.  It was basically just to distract you until you got to the links:

OH. MY…
The following is not for the animal lover.  I don’t really know what’s more diabolical – the science-fiction nightmare machine pictured or the fact that this thing is being sold. [edit: too bad - they seem to have taken down the video]
http://www.brightcoop.com/livehaul/c_e-z_catch.htm

FWWINGGG!
Not to dwell on the cruelty to animal front, but sometimes a hedgehog’s just gotta have some fun.  Pull him back, aim, release!  Make it to the exit!
http://www.matazone.co.uk/animpages/the_hedgehog_game.html

But… I feel fin…. *zip!* *slam!* *flush!*
Ah, to be back in the day where computer games were more about content and less about shiny graphics! 
Or in this case, none of the above.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/lookaroundyou/programmes/computers/dd.shtml

…Let’s go exploring!
A huge influence on my life, I came across this and had to share.  ALL Calvin & Hobbes comics, available online, copyright scandal TBA…
http://www1.stfunoob.com/calvin_hobbes/index.htm

Now with lipflaps so you don’t fall off!
For those of us that simply can’t stand those narrow-assed (literally) porcelain thrones.  It’s.. the Great John.  The best is the happy couple that happily look like they’ve just taken a massive dump.
http://greatjohn.com/grjodi.html

My patented two-finger poke method doesn’t seem to work that well
It’s been a looong time since I actually played a typing game, and I was never into those Mavis Beacon (now on verson 15.0!) programs.  But it’s still knida fun to see how far you can go!
http://www.play4traffic.com/game.php
[edit: forgot to include this one in the original post!]

Disco Stu.. will never leave the building
My favorite for last.  What do you do when you find this in your building elevator?
Answer: Logically and simply (and hilariously!), take the stairs! 
http://lelombrik.free.fr/LoMBriK/Ascenseur/%5Blelombrik.free.fr%5DDiscoAscenseur.swf

Some randomness for ya!

I prefer my women with BIG, HUGE…bibles!
Religion is losing it’s otherwise vice-tight grip on the populace these days. There’s just nothing ‘hip’ about going to mass on Sundays, respecting traditional holidays, or eating strange circle cookies in church. What christianity could use, nay, needs, is a shot in the arm from an up-and-comer who could really talk to those horny teenagers and make them see how even bible girls put out as long as you have tinfoil-wrapped bling bling around your neck.
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/615/

A challenge for the ages
I have to say it took me a while to figure this one out, but once you do – man! What an adrenaline rush! It’s totally addictive!
http://www.tetris1d.org/

My family car was one of these
Hey! Young people! Age 18-25! Thinking about buying a car? Thinking you want speed? Class? Something to attract the ladies? Think you can make a commercial better than this one?
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/dodge88.html

Life poster? How about a DEATH poster? Moohahaha. *cough*
I’d really like to do this one boring sunday afternoon. I think it would be great if you used it like a progression from baby pictures to now pics, where you can be seen lying on the floor drunk with someone drawing mustaches on your face. Anyways, cool idea!
http://www.lifehacker.com/software/digital-photos/index.php#make-a-life-poster-with-photoshop-033893

I don’t normally associate with monkeys. Much too much trouble. There’s the coarse hair, the general spooky expression they have on their face all the time, and of course, Mr. smell. So I prefer to avoid them in a general sense. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn something from them every now and then.

When I first read about the MonkeySphere, I thought, oh no, a cheap rip-off of a Michael Crichton novel? Hasn’t the man sold out enough already? He’s already got one monkey book, (I’ll never ever forgive him for allowing the movie of which to come to the light of day) why does he need another?

Thankfully, it’s something entirely different. You wouldn’t think your entire perception of the world and the relationships you have with people around you can be boiled down to a (somewhat) simple explanation involving those curious cousins of ours, but here you go. It’s about a 10 minute read, so take a break and immerse yourself in the MonkeySphere. You’ll come out changed.

Oh, and if you really want to make sure you give yourself enough time for the above to sink in, why don’t you distract yourself with another article. Some good arguments for the legalization, not decriminalization, of that controversial vegetation we keep hearing about. Personally, I think it’s a much better idea for it to be regulated by the government, even though they’re not exactly the best at handling lots of things. At least under gov’t control the everyday people who tend to use it (see: almost everyone) won’t be even be slightly seen as criminals, and the revenues can go to the government instead of mr. back-alley dealer. It’ll probably be easier to keep it out of minors’ hands as well (see: tobacco and alcohol (I know, not perfect by a long shot, but still better than nothing)).

I also thought I should present this little bit of insanity:

HappyDerm

Quoteth the Model: "My skin glows with Happiness!"

Sorta reminds you of this.

[UPDATE]: For some screwed-up reason, I now outrank l’Oréal Paris for their own product.

p.s. If you can find a way to do so, try to watch the music video Hellbent by Kenna. It uses the same award-winning stop-motion animation video as above, but take my word for it, the song and the video are much more potent together. The two are honestly made for each other. (Leave me a comment if you’re interested! :D)

[UPDATE]: I’ve also located a copy of the Hellbent music video on the internet. It’s probably copyrighted and all that, so if for some reason you are the copyright holder and you want me to take it down, please send me an email. Otherwise, enjoy it for now!

Oh yes – I forgot to mention the most important link. You have to love it when the power of the internet takes one thing which is just silly and stupid, but just fun to look at, and rockets it to the top of the proverbial internet heap and gives it its 15 minutes of fame. (Sorta like this).

Anyways, all the power to the Numa Numa Dancer, lip-singer extraordinaire.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/206373